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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Talking to Nerds

What do you get when you talk to a nerd?

His lunch money.

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Astronaut

What was the astronaut doing on the computer?

Looking for the space bar.

You Know You’re Addicted to the Net When

1) All of your friends have @ in their names

2) You can’t call your mother…she doesn’t have a modem

3) Your spouse makes a new rule… Computers don’t come to bed.

4) You laugh at people with 56K modems.

5) You start tilting your head to smile 🙂

6) Your phone bill comes to your house in a box

7) You find yourself typing com after every period

8) You start introducing your self as ‘Jon@internet.com’

I’m positive

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ’I think I’ve lost an electron.’

The other says ’Are you sure?’

The first says, ’Yes, I’m positive.’!

A Nerd, a Nude and a Bike

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”

The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’”

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Stats

– A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
– Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
– Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of falling pregnant
– Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
– All polar bears are left-handed
– If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was nicked by a Polar bear