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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

You Might Be a Computer Nerd

You might be a computer nerd if you can’t get up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom without checking your email!

Latest Nerd Jokes

I’m positive

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ’I think I’ve lost an electron.’

The other says ’Are you sure?’

The first says, ’Yes, I’m positive.’!

Stats

– A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
– Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
– Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of falling pregnant
– Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
– All polar bears are left-handed
– If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was nicked by a Polar bear

Talking to Nerds

What do you get when you talk to a nerd?

His lunch money.

A Nerd, a Nude and a Bike

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”

The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’”

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

How Many Ears

How many ears does Spock have?

Three: One on the right, one on the left, and the final “front ear.”