What happens when people of different occupations get old.
– Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
– Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
– Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
– Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
– Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
– Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
– Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
– Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
– Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
– Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
– Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
– Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
– Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
– Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
– Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
– Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
– Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
– Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
– Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
– Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
– Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
– Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
– Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
– Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
– Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
– Old investors never die, they just roll over.
– Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
– Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
– Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
– Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
– Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
– Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
– Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
– Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor…
– Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
– Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
– Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
– Old owls never die, they just don’t give a hoot.
– Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
– Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.
– Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
– Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
– Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
– Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on….
– Old printers never die, they’re just not the type.
– Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
– Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
– Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
– Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
– Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
– Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
– Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
– Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
– Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
– Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.
– Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
– Old students never die, they just get degraded.
– Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
– Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
– Walt Disney didn’t die. He’s in suspended animation.
– Old white wate
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”
My boss called me into his office: “Why do i hear you talking when there is still work to be done”
He shouted … I said: “Because you have ears.”
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, “I should be boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”
The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.”
The hands said, “We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.”
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don’t need brains to be a boss – any asshole will do.
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,” — Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,” — Mariah Carey
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,” — Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,” — Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,” — Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president,” — Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,” — A congressional candidate in Texas.
“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.” — John Wayne
“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” — Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” — Al Gore, Vice President
“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” — Dan Quayle
” It’s no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another” — George Bush, US President
“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?” — Lee Iacocca
“I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,” — Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
“The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,” — Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.” — Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” — Bill Clinton, President
“We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.” — Al Gore, VP
“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.” — Keppel Enderbery
“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” — Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.” — Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” — George Bush
One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
“I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I’ll be better in a second”
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says “We don’t approve of womanizing!”
The guy says “Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking”