If Resumes Told the Truth
OBJECTIVE
To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior.
EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don’t Ask
EMPLOYMENT
NETWORK MANAGEMENT (9/96-Present) Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages.
DEBT CONSOLIDATION (4/97-12/99) Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father.
RESIDENT INHALER (9/98-6/99) Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling.
COMPUTER SKILLS
*Solitaire *Minesweeper *On/Off Repair Method HONORS AND AWARDS
*First Place in Miller Lite Funnel Tournament *Said Toast at brother’s wedding *High Score on Theta Chi’s Pin Ball Machine
For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you’re considering me as a law school applicant.
