An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn’t had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favorite flies out of their box.
Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.
The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.
The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, “Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson.”
God replied “I did. Who do you think he’s going to tell?”
You might be a redneck if you’re late for your wedding because you were at a monster truck rally.
Get Him Off Me Or I’ll Sue!
What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman pinscher.
The Heart Of The Matter
A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
“I do have three hearts,” said the doctor. “The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It’s $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It’s $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It’s $500,000.”
“Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!”
“Yes, but it’s from a laywer. It’s never been used.”
A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting in a war, and both were caught by the enemy. “Before i put you to death,” said the enemy, “do you have any last requests?” The Alabama man said, “Could you shoot me after you play the song ‘Yeah, Alabama?”
“Sure,” the man agreed. “How about you?”
The Tennessee man said, “COuld you shoot me before you play ‘Yeah, Alabam?”