Why I Am So Tired
For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. Now I found out the real reason. I’m tired because I’m overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work.
There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me . . . and you’re sitting there reading jokes.
What a difference 30 years can make
1970: Long hair
2000: Longing for hair
1970: The perfect high
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1970: KEG
2000: EKG
1970: Acid rock
2000: Acid reflux
1970: Moving to California because it’s cool
2000: Moving to California because it’s warm
1970: Growing pot
2000: Growing pot belly
1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1970: Seeds and stems
2000: Roughage
1970: Popping pills, smoking joints
2000: Popping joints
1970: Killer weed
2000: Weed killer
1970: Hoping for a BMW
2000: Hoping for a BM
1970: The Grateful Dead
2000: Dr. Kevorkian
1970: Going to a new, hip joint
2000: Receiving a new hip joint
1970: Rolling Stones
2000: Kidney stones
1970: Being called into the principal’s office
2000: Calling the principal’s office
1970: Screw the system
2000: Upgrade the system
1970: Disco
2000: Costco
1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1970: Taking acid
2000: Taking antacid
1970: Passing the drivers test
2000: Passing the vision test
1970: Whatever
2000: Depends
Magic lamp
For years, three men were stranded on a desert island. One day, a magic lamp washed on to the beach. They rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared that granted each man a wish. “I wish I was off this island and back with my familly,” said the first man.He disappeared. “I also wish I was off this island and back home,”said the second man. He too disappeared. The third man,looked around and feeling lonely, looked up to the genie, “I wish my two friends were back to keep me company.”
Oldest Profession
A doctor, an engineer and an attorney were discussing which of them belonged to the oldest of the three professions they represented.
The doctor said, “On the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and created Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “Ah, but before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, thus making Him the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
“Yes,” the lawyer said, “but just who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”
Doggy Style
There were three dogs at a veternarian’s office, all of them looked sad. The first one asked the second, “Why are you here?” The dog replied, “I’m getting put to sleep because I kept peeing on my owners’ new rug.”
The first dog said, “I know how you feel — I’m getting put to sleep because I peed in my owner’s new car.” They both looked at the third dog and said, “Why are you here?” The dog sighed and said, “Well my owner likes to clean in the nude and one day she bent over and I gave her the ride of her life.”
“So you’re getting put to sleep too?” asked the other dogs. “No. I’m getting my nails clipped.”
