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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Redneck Hitchiker

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them — with a priest in the truck, he’d have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a “BOOM!” The driver looks over at the priest, who says, “Don’t worry — I got him with the door.”

Latest Redneck Jokes

Redneck Wedding

You might be a redneck if you’re late for your wedding because you were at a monster truck rally.

Comin’ ‘Cross the Ohio River

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ”Buddy, I’d sure like to be on your side of the river!”

”Aight, tell ya whut, I’ll shine my flashlight ‘cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!” the redneck yelled back.

The buckeye replied, ”Hain’t no way, buddy. I know you think I’m a fool! When I get halfway ‘cross, you’ll turn your flashlight off!”

Dog For Sale

In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?”

The owner replies, “He’s such a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

UFOs

Y’might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day!

Family Reunion

You know your a redneck if you go to a family reunion looking for a girlfriend!