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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

40 years of sex

Grampa and Grandma were sitting a the table. Grandma gets up suddenly,
rolls up her newspaper and proceeds to slap Grandpa upside the head. He
says, “What was that for?”

Grandma says, “That’s for 40 years of bad sex.”

Grandpa sits there muttering, rolls up his newspaper, and goes over and
slaps Grandma upside the head.

She says, “Now what’s that for?”

He says, “That’s for knowing the difference.”

Latest Relationship Jokes

What do I look like?

A man came home from work one day and his wife asked
him to fix the toilet. The man says “who do i look like the plumber?” and never fixed it….

The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says “who do i look like a blad specialist?” and never fixed it….

The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the refrigerator. The man says “who do i look like the maytag repair man?” and never fixed it….

man comes home the next day and his wife told him she hired someone to fix the fridge, someone to fix the garbage disposal, and someone to fix the toilet. The man asks his wife “how much did it cost?” His wife says “i had to either bake them a cake or have sex with them.” The man asks his wife “what kinda cake did you bake them?” the wife says “who do i look like Betty Crocker?”

Children

There once a wife who had fifteen kids. She loved them all but found it hard to look after them. Eventually, the stress got the best of her and she died. At her funeral, the priest said, “Now, finally, they’re back together as they should be.”

“What do you mean?” asked her husband. “The kids and I are all still alive!”

“No,” the priest replied, “I meant her legs.”

Refrigerator

A woman went to her psychiatrist and said, “Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband. He thinks he’s a refrigerator.”

“That’s not so bad,” said the doctor. “It’s a rather harmless complex.”

“Well, maybe,” replied the lady. “But he sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake along with the chillness.”

Did you cheat?

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters.
The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.
“Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!”
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?”
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time!”

Still pretty

When the husband was lying the wife removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” she said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.”

“Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”