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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

40 years of sex

Grampa and Grandma were sitting a the table. Grandma gets up suddenly,
rolls up her newspaper and proceeds to slap Grandpa upside the head. He
says, “What was that for?”

Grandma says, “That’s for 40 years of bad sex.”

Grandpa sits there muttering, rolls up his newspaper, and goes over and
slaps Grandma upside the head.

She says, “Now what’s that for?”

He says, “That’s for knowing the difference.”

Zadnji dodani Relationship Jokes

Did you cheat?

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters.
The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.
“Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!”
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?”
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time!”

Squealing Like A Stuck Boyfriend

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down the road one day. Her boyfriend suggests that they play road games and that whoever loses has to strip. They play every game known to man and the girl loses every time. Soon she is bare naked. The boy takes a long look and runs off the road. They slide into a tree and the boy is trapped in the car. He yells to his girlfriend, “Quick, go get help!”
She says, “I can’t, I’m naked.”

He hands her a shoe to cover with. Desperately she covers her “lower parts” and runs to the road. She flags down a truck driver and yells, “Help me, my boyfriend is stuck.”

The truck driver replies, “Honey, if he’s that far gone, I don’t think we can get him out again!”

The last straw

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling.

When they arrived at the counsellor’s office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” The wife began talking describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counsellor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Mondays and Thursdays.”

Who Wears The Pants

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, “here put these on.” She said “I can’t wear your pants.” “That’s right!!” said the husband, “and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” She said, “That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude.”

She-Devil

Once upon a time, there was a man who came home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decided to teach him a lesson, so she dressed up like Satan and hid in the dark to scare him when he got home.
When he finally came stumbling across the lawn, his wife jumped out in front of him and howled like a demon. He just looked at her and slurred, “You don’t scare me; I’m married to your sister!”