Young Couple
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.
”Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.”
”That must have hurt,” said the judge.
”No kidding,” said the best man. ”I broke three of my fingers.”
The Wishing Well
A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny.
His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns.
The guy says, “Wow, it really works.”
If you were my husband…
A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, “If you were my husband I would poison your drink.” The man replied, “If you were my wife I would drink it.”
Joe’s Accident
There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his wedding day. The guy at the plate hits the ball, and it nails Joe righ in the genitals. His teamates rush him to the hospital and take him into the emergency room. As he’s lying on the table the doctor looks at him and says, ”That’s pretty bad. I don’t think there’s anything I can do for that.”
Joe says, ”Oh please doc it’s my wedding night. You’ve gotta do something!”
The doctor then says, ”Well, I can put two tongue depressors around it and wrap it with gauze tap to immobilize it.”
Joe says, ”Oh thank you, doc. Just don’t tell my fiance.”
They get married and later that night Joe’s lying on the bed and his wife comes out in a sexy outfit. She unbuttons it, grabs her breasts and says, ”Do you see these beautiful breasts? No one else has ever seen these. I’ve been saving them just for you.”
”Thats nothing,” Joe replies. He pulls down his pants and says, ”Look at this. It’s not even out of the box yet!”
Box under the bed
A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.
However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1954.25 in small bills. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.
That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the bottles in the box?”
The man thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these wonderful years you deserve to know the truth: Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer bottle in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
The woman was shocked, but said, “I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen. And I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years.” They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later, the woman asked the man, “Why do you have all that money in the box?” To which the man answered, “Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in.”
