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Yo Mama So Fat
Yo mama’s so big, fat, and clumsy when she tried to get to Wal-Mart she stumbled over K-Mart and landed right on Target.
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.”
“We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.”
The first bat replies, “Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere.” He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, “Where did you get the blood?”
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, “See that black building over there?”
“Yes,” the other bat answers.
“Well,” says the first bat, “I didn’t.”
What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
Q: What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
A: If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.
Bill Gates and General Motors
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”
“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
An old snake goes to see his Doctor
“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days.” The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”