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Ending a relationship is just like adjusting your underwear: You feel better when the creep is gone.
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Q: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
Q: What’s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
A: If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.
Politician and Scientist
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced the altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted. “Excuse me… can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman replied, “You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be a Scientist,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” said the woman.
“How did you know?”
“Well”, answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”
The woman below responded. “You must be a politician.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you > expect me to solve your problem.”
She continued after a moment of silence: “The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
Viagra for Gramps
This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, “Where are you going ?”
He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”
And she said, “Why? Are you sick?”
“No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”
She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”
He said, “Why?”
She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”