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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

How To Get A Raise

A boss tells his new employee, “I’ll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I’ll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?”

“In 3 months.”

Latest Work Jokes

Time Off

Two men working in a facory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.

“How are you going to do that?”

“Watch,” he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied.”I’m a lightbulb.”

“I think you need some time off,” the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the foreman shouted.

“I can’t work in the dark,” he said.

You Might Be a Technician if…

you have ever tried to repair a $15.00 radio.

you think of the gadgets in your office as “friends.”

you think your computer looks better without the cover.

you have ever purchased an electronic appliance “as is.”

you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

you think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

the salespeople at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions.

the microphone at a meeting doesn’t work and you rush up to fix it.

you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.

you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.

you just don’t have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday.

you have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.

Dear God

A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn’t receive some divine intervention.

The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.

A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: “Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office.”

Calling in sick

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!” There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. “Wow,” he said. “Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!” 

A New Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Have you been in the service?”

“Yes,” he says. “I was in the armed forces for three years.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you extra points toward employment” and then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes, 100%. A mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off.”

The interviewer tells the guy, “OK, I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM till 5:00 PM. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 AM”

The guy is puzzled and says, “If the hours are from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM Then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM?”

“This is a government job”, the interviewer says. “For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”