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Funny Jokes

The largest collection of jokes.

Letting Someone Go

Boss, to four of his employees: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.”

Black employee: “I’m a protected minority.”

Female employee: “And I’m a woman.”

Oldest employee: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

They all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: “I think I might be gay…”

Latest Work Jokes

Christmas Bonus

Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month’s Christmas party, you could neglect to do your work around here?

Secretary: My lawyer.

Note of caution

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home. ”

“Why?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.

One day I told her, ’Honey, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 30 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in ten.”

Letting Someone Go

Boss, to four of his employees: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.”

Black employee: “I’m a protected minority.”

Female employee: “And I’m a woman.”

Oldest employee: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.”

They all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: “I think I might be gay…”

New Sales Assistant

A new sales assistant was hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer : I guess so. I’ll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer : Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here’s a couple of bags. You’ll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer : I’ll take one of those too.

After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. “You see?” he said, “that’s the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for.”

Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I’d like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too?
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend’s shot to hell anyway, so you might as well mow the lawn.

Dear God

A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn’t receive some divine intervention.

The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.

A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: “Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving bastards at the Post Office.”